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Gone Fishing

The changing color of the leaves is my cue to once again write a little something about the happenings of life, and life has certainly been happening.

Our summer agenda looked something like this: Garden. Projects. Ticks. Camping. Chores. Projects. Projects. Fires. Family. Friends. Projects. Fishing. Garden. Zucchini. Zucchini, Tomatoes. Tomatoes. Tomatoes. Zucchini. River. Fishing. Projects. Projects. More Tomatoes. Bee stings. Projects. Projects. Projects.

You may have noticed that “projects” appears most frequently and often successionally. This is because I am married to Michael and when a project (or five) is in the works, it dominates our household.

In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, with or without projects.

As if I haven’t talked (or listened) about it enough this summer, I’ll start off by sharing Michael’s obsessions… I mean projects.

The first big project(s) of the season were the outbuildings- cleaning them up, organizing their contents, and installing windows and doors in the barn along with the addition of a new wall on one side.

These changes are always nostalgic for me. I think about how everything looked when Grandpa and Grandma lived here. Part of me wants things to always look that way, but I also feel proud about the upkeep and making it all useful again.

I know Grandpa would love to see these buildings in action, and Grandma would giggle at Hutch and Winnie’s participation in it all.

If you knew Grandma J, you knew she had the best giggle, especially around kids.

“Cleaning the woods” is a phrase we used to make fun of my dad about. I’m not sure if Dad said it first to describe his hobby of pulling out invasive or undesirable plants and trees or if we came up with this phrase as he talked about brush piles and his general tending of the woods.

Now, decades later, I find that we are doing the same “cleaning the woods” activities that Dad has always done. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

While I concern myself with invasive buckthorn or the bushes with “bad berries” (as Winnie correctly points them out) scattered amongst our black raspberries, gooseberries, walnut trees, and cottonwoods, Michael goes above and beyond with concern about overgrowth and undergrowth, mowed trails, and spaces that need “dirt work”.

At one point, he sprinkled clover seeds on a dirt path in the woods and then proceeded to check it’s growth on a daily basis. So, if you’re wondering how we keep busy, that is Exhibit A.

I prefer less arduous forms of “cleaning the woods” such as putting the goats to pasture, or more literally- to woods.

We sectioned out a chunk of forest next to our creek for our goaties to munch on buckthorn to their hearts’ content.

Since our goats are of the dwarf variety, they often need a little help from their friends (us). This is where my anniversary present from Michael, a Dewalt battery powered chainsaw, comes in handy to hack down the taller parts of a buckthorn stand.

While I have a flawless record with this tool, Michael did get one thorn imbedded in his scalp and another piece of wood to the eyeball… I should really show him how to handle power tools.

While the thorn to the scalp receded naturally, the wood to the eye was a Urgent Care visit in which the progress note detailed “full eyebrows and full lashes”. I agree Doc, he’s one handsome devil.

Anyway, the goats have been doing a fabulous job on the buckthorn removal. If they run out of munchies, we will know it by how they randomly appear outside the shed or next to my garden- a herd of sweet faces waiting for table service.

We have a solar powered electric netting fence which works well for goats with full tummies but is no match for a little hunger.

While the goats have been successful in taking out buckthorn, Michael has been successful in taking out skunks.

I’m not sure if anyone else has stared a skunk straight in the eyes this summer, but I’ve done it twice. The first time happened when I went to feed my cats in the dark of the night.

As I biked to the feed bowl thinking I was approaching our gray cat and our black cat, I leaned toward them with food in hand to find that that I was not at all looking at our black cat but instead, a skunk. The skunk and I scattered silmutaneously.

My second encounter with this skunk happened a week later when I leaned my head into the old chicken coop to grab a pail and there she was- inches away.

Why she didn’t spray me? I do not know. I stopped doing chores in darkness, and Michael started keeping his pellet gun available. When Michael met Skunk in the shed one evening, Skunk’s time was up, and our shed still smells of her.

One of Michael’s favorite features of “cleaning the woods” has been the use of Dad’s skidsteer. I’m not quite sure what understanding those two have but it seems that Dad leaves the skidsteer here, Michael uses it and routinely gets it stuck, sometimes in the same place over and over, and Dad comes to help unstick it.

At one point, they were doing repairs together. I’m unclear if these were routine repairs or Michael-instigated but either way, it seems like we are getting the good end of this deal.

Dad’s skidsteer and tractor have been key components for arguably Michael’s favorite project of the year- the bridge.

With the creek sidelining our property and deer hunting season approaching, Michael thought it would be the bee’s knees to have access across the creek.

He purchased a mobile home trailer, slapped some wooden planks across it, cleared some trail and trees near the chosen location, and plopped it on over with the use of a tractor pull, skidsteer push, my dad (thanks Dad for everything, always), and some chains. Voila! We have a bridge!

Surprisingly, the bridge project was unproblematic, except for Hutch. He got two bee stings during the installation process, and he’ll never let us forget it.

One little project was making our chickies a mobile coop. We tried making one last year that ended up not being so raccoon-proof. This one has been a success- electric netting fence around some pasture with a mini quonset shed atop a hay wagon with slatted floors.

The chickens are happy (except when Hutch tries to carry them around), and our egg breakfasts are the kickstart to our days.

While I’m lingering on the topic of projects, I must breeze through Michael’s current endeavour. I’m sure I will cover this in more detail post-deer season when Michael’s vision comes true and 4 to 5 deer carcasses hang inside this thing.

Michael is full time in on making a walk-in cooler out of SIPs (structurally insulated panels) and an AC unit.

My knowledge of this process is minimal. If you need every single detail, you can consult his group text thread titled “Deer Tour” or talk to my father. The former will be more concise. With the latter resource, you may want to grab a drink and plan to stay awhile; he doesn’t talk fast.

Apparently Michael is rubbing off on Hutch because when I ask Hutch, “What should I write about from this summer?” Hutch replies, “Deer season is coming soon. And then, picking up Easter eggs, don’t know when that will be.”

Now, my summer baby- the garden. As I swim in zucchini and tomatoes right now, I have almost no desire to discuss gardening. I’m burnt out from the idea of produce which is perhaps the sign of a good gardening year. And for me, that it was.

I am now a disciple of the Ruth Stout gardening method.

I started with a thick bed of hay and added more as any weeds popped through. I did not water once this year and weeding occurred minimally and none past June.

This way of gardening is the way for me. I hardly have the time to admire my garden, let alone tend to it. The harvest has been my busiest time, so if we don’t get any deer in our freezer, at least it will be full of tomatoes.

Our summer wasn’t all projects, skunks, and tomatoes. It was also very fun.

Our beloved farm cat had kittens- Smokey and Bear; they often got more love than they bargained for.

We had a camping weekend with Michael’s mom’s side of the family which is always the best no matter how many mosquitoes eat our face off.

Winnie left with one eye swollen shut (thanks to the bugs) but was happy nonetheless from meals around the campfire, celebrating her Tia’s birthday, and getting Gigi hugs and Grandpa Denny pushes on the swing.

Speaking of bugs, this spring/early summer was tick mania. Our mild winter was a likely contributor.

I quickly purchased guinea hen keets. They are known to gobble up ticks better than anything. We raised these tender heat lamp babies into full-feathered fowl.

Guinea hens are known to protect their properties. They often act as alarms to any trespasser and even protect other farm animals from predators.

We had a trusty guinea hen (Gwen) here before us and it took all summer for her to trust our presence. She rivaled the rooster with her volume. We’ve been without Gwen for a year now so I was excited for a guinea hen presence again.

With Gwen in mind, I expected these guinea hens to grow up, linger around, munch on ticks, and guard the premises.

When the little naked keets became larger and fully feathered, I let them loose and guess what happened?… They were never to be seen again!

That was only mildly dramatic. I did see them again one month later, in half the amount and in a matter of seconds as they flew from one cornfield to another. I saw them a second time on the gravel road, also within seconds of time.

Now, they have disappeared for over a month. I guess all guinea hens are not created equal. RIP to our boisterous and beloved Gwen.

In related news, I haven’t picked one tick off my kids since those guineas were released so while they are not what I imagined, I choose to believe they are still out here somewhere doing the lord’s work.

On the week of July 4th, we had our annual celebration with Michael’s dad’s side of the family.

This is another yearly highlight, and themed nonetheless. This year, the theme was “Camp Kahl”.

There were camp counselors, bracelets, t-shirts, a talent show, a meal song; the list goes on.

There was a celebration of life for Uncle David and a special joy in being all together for fun in his favorite place (the lake) as we celebrated him.

Winnie got out of this family event with both eyes open.

On July 25th, my second niece was born!

My sister-in-law Angela surprised us with a girl- our sweet Scarlett Summer.

Winnie definitely has both eyes open now as she loves to look at Scarlett- pictures, videos, IRL, everything. She’s obsessed with “my baby”; so am I.

Hutch is busy making gifts for Scarlett. The current gift is a bunch of wood screwed together. I don’t know what the gift is exactly, but he did decide to wash the wood in case she wants to chew on it.

While Scarlett’s birth day was an extraordinary day in our summer, our average days have been pretty nice too.

We are outside almost always, except for that month long stint when we installed new kitchen flooring. PSA: Click lock vinyl flooring is not as easy as it sounds, but we got it done and got back outside.

We played in the creek, threw rocks and sticks off the bridge, found time to be on the river, picked plenty of berries, put the treehouse to good use, and did a lot of fishing per Hutch’s request.

This morning, my 87 year old grandpa “Papa” is coming over to fish off the new bridge.

Hutch put his camo hat on and Winnie scattered to find a neon orange hat. When Winnie came back to the kitchen, I heard, “This is a good fashion hat.”

I was surprised to hear this new word- “fashion” as I’m not sure where she picked that one up. This household is not very fashion-forward, and I can’t remember the last time I even verbalized the word “fashion”.

I said, “What?” Again I heard, “This is a good fashion hat.”

Hutch to the rescue behind me clears up this mess by clarifying, “She said this is a good fishing hat!” Ahhhh.. this makes a lot more sense.As we wait for Papa to go fishing, Hutch sets the timer for his arrival- one hour from now.

Hutch says, “Can I go with Papa all by myself?” I look at sweet Winnie with her fishing hat on and say, “I guess Winnie and I could try another spot.” Hutch replies, “Okay, and when a big trout eats your hook, you can find us and we’ll share another hook with you.”

The kids are off getting worms with Michael now. I drink my coffee in peace and see that the timer has ticked down to eight minutes. I suppose I should go now… it’s time to find my fishing hat.

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The Journey

“Enjoy The Journey” is a common phrase that is either sure to make your eyes roll or strikes you right in the guts.

In Georgia in the Unicoi State Park bathroom, it struck me in the guts. “Enjoy the journey,” Bathroom Lady said after I told her my little story while we both brushed our teeth for the night.

As Winnie ran around my ankles, I explained, “We have a month off. Our kids are almost 2 and 4 years old. This is our first real vacation together, so we’re really excited. We built a little camping trailer to stay in.”

In between brushes and spits and smiles at Winnie, Bathroom Lady told me all about her kids, “…but they’re all grown now.” She paused and turned toward me when she said this part, “Enjoy the journey with them. It really does go very fast.”

Bathroom Lady had eye contact that was both gentle and piercing. Her words had power. “Enjoy the journey with them.  It really does go very fast. ” She might as well have punched me in the stomach.

Michael and I have traveled to many places together.

We’ve lived out of vans, tents, boats, and most originally- his 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee.

We travel together easily. We are happy to shower in streams or not at all.

We can live off of Clif bars, beef jerky, and Arizona teas.

Michael and I like to do big hikes when we travel, most notoriously was the Na Pali Coast in Hawaii. This was 22 miles in one day in which we brought one small water bottle and no food.

I don’t know what we were thinking but I remember being nearly trampled by a mountain goat and later asking Michael if I was hallucinating when I saw a rat doing ninja moves with it’s hands… but Michael saw it too.

Now, here we are without Michael’s speedo and with a half decade hiatus from any significant travel.

We are due for a trip, a good long one. This time, we have two little humans to tote along.

We have our 4 year old homebody.

And our 1.75 year old Miss Independent.

I anticipate that we will not be hiking 22 miles in one day and will hopefully be more prepared than Clif bars and beef jerky.

I later find that Michael has purchased an 18 pack of Clif bars in preparation for this trip, so some things never change.

One major upgrade from the Jeep Grand Cherokee is that Michael made us some pretty luxurious sleeping quarters.

After 80 hours of work, we now have a camping trailer that we have lovingly named “The Mosquito”.

The Mosquito is made of the following: an aluminum snowmobile trailer, two layers of 1/8″ plywood shaped into a tear drop form with fiberglass and epoxy, and wallpaper to the sides with more epoxy over.

The windows and doors were found on the side of the road. If you know Michael, you know he always has “side of the road” finds- often strange, sometimes useful.

Inside The Mosquito, Michael installed shelves with a sink, a battery called The Jackery that he outfitted to charge while we drive, and a cooler-style refrigerator made by Alpicool.

The Mosquito fits a full size bed for us, a pack and play for Winnie, and a Nugget couch for Hutch’s sleeping quarters.

We also have a coffee maker for every day (essential) and a TV for rainy days (spoiled).

The Mosquito is light and ALMOST waterproof- a discovery we made during the one storm system we encountered in St. Augustine, Florida when droplets fell on our friend Sam while we waited out a tornado warning.

As former liveaboards, we are connoisseurs of leaks, so we knew how to locate the source and do a temporary fix. We duct taped that shit like a true sailor.

With The Mosquito and our bikes in tow, our family of four took off on our grand adventure at 2am on March 28th.

Hutch was so excited to drive in the night and pointed out all the “Christmas lights” (aka street lights and house lights) he could see.

We drove 780 miles in that first day, and the gift of “I Spy” was born. Hutch could play this for hours with clues and answers on repeat. Winnie would join in by yelling “Yup!’ from the third row whenever we made a guess.

This road trip was lovely in the way it arrived in three heartwarming segments.

First, we traveled to Charleston, South Carolina where we spent a week with my parents and my sister’s family of five.

This week together was planned in celebration of my dad turning 60. Love ya Dad.

It was such a joyful week full of forever memories and feelings of familial comfort and easy joy.

The second segment of the trip was spent in St. Augustine, Florida where we stayed at our friend Josie’s Lion & Lanterns Inn (highly recommend).

We enjoyed time with her and our friend Sam who flew in from Minnesota so that we could all be together.

These two were our neighbors on the water a full decade ago so you can imagine how we act like kids together & have endless stories to recount. It was the heartiest and happiest soup for the soul.

The third and final segment of our travel was dedicated to our family of four putzing around to different waters and woods as we traveled back to the north land.

For this portion, we made no plans ahead of time but rather moved as the weather and the wee ones allowed.

This time together was gentle and replenishing.

Our three(ish) week itinerary looked like this: Minnesota – Red River Gorge, KY (two nights @ Lago Linda Hideaway) – Saluda, NC (one night at Wilderness Cove Campground) – Isle of Palms, SC (seven nights at a Vacasa home with my parents and sister’s family) – Savannah, GA (one night at Skidaway Island State Park) – St. Augustine, FL (one night at Lions and Lanterns Inn & two nights at a friend’s beach house on St. Augustine Beach) – Lincolnton, GA (one night at Elijah Clark State Park) – Helen, GA (two nights at Unicoi State Park) – Great Smoky Mountains National Park (two nights in Elkmont Campground) – Marion, NC (one night at Tanglewood Campground) – Barren Springs, Virginia (one night at River’s Edge Trail Camp) – Lyndhurst, VA (one night at Love Ridge Mountain Lodging) – Home Sweet Home (24 hours of driving with stops included and one popped tire to mend).

I found myself feeling quite tender on this trip. This tenderness arrived just before Bathroom Lady told me with her entire soul radiating through her eyeballs to “Enjoy the journey.”

I felt tender in a good way. It was a tenderness of knowing that this time is precious, a tenderness that comes with watching my kids enjoy everything that is simple and good, and a tenderness of spending undistracted, wholesome time with my whole family, some of my dearest friends, and with my little family of four.

This tenderness made me feel both vulnerable and alive, sensitive to everything happening.

So, perhaps at the peak of my tenderness right after our time with family and friends, when Bathroom Lady says “Enjoy the journey,” and metaphorically punches the air out of my system, I see myself twenty years from now in the same campground bathroom. I am watching another mother of two run around a bit disheveled and distracted but wholly alive in the presence of her kids.

As I watch the younger mom with kids running around her ankles, I am aching to see my own kids like this again, and maybe to see myself like this again too.

In the eyes of my two and four year old, I am the entire world… what a tremendous and undeserved honor.

So in my weird vision, the older version of myself can’t help but look that young mom straight in her soul and with both grief and gratitude in my voice, I say to her, “Enjoy the journey with them. It really does go by so fast.”

Within seconds, I am back to reality with a big feeling of connection to Bathroom Lady and to every woman before me.

I remember my own mom sitting on every sideline near and far, even while she worked full time, went to school, etc. She never missed my big or small moments. She let me be free and entirely myself while being a steadfast presence and support. I see now how she did this so beautifully. I only hope to do it half as good as she did.

I remember looking at my Grandma J as I climbed the trees. She would gently say, “Be careful sweetie,” while simultaneously smiling at my bravery. Thank you Grandma. You let me love who I am in the trees. I still love who I am in the trees.

My Grandma Larson has always listened to my stories with her whole being. Her eyes would radiate admiration and intrigue for anything I had to tell her. She made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. Now, I get to see her eyes light up with the same love and adoration for my kids. Grandma, thank you for every moment of this.

I wonder- did these women also feel the weight of being my whole world? Were they told to “enjoy the journey” at just the right time?

So, for the rest of our road trip,  I feel incredibly sensitive. Thanks a lot Bathroom Lady.

I feel sensitive to the men and women with and without kids, to the old and the young and how they exist in the water and woods that we cherish together.

I feel sensitive to rocks- beautiful ones and plain ones. I feel sensitive to the way the water moves across the rocks and how it feels when we touch it too.

I feel sensitive to every bird song and every human conversation.

I even feel sensitive to the elevation as we walk up to Clingman’s Dome.

Simply put, in a perfect storm of experiences, I am blown away by the privilege, sensations, and scope of being alive.

This road trip was special. Not only was it the first time that we traveled with kids, but it was also a reawakening of sorts.

There was a recognition that I won’t always revolve my days around tiny humans that track my every move.

Simultaneously, there was a realization that I love this part. Being their mom might be my favorite chapter.

This trip was different in that it didn’t include a Na Pali Coast marathon or a Half Dome climb or hitch-hiking or scuba diving.

It was very simple and very slow.

This trip included endless “I Spy”, chasing each other in the ocean sand while we yelled “Chomp! Chomp!”, starting campfires as the sun set, throwing rocks in water wherever we went, showing each other the coolest rocks we could find, stopping at playgrounds after Winnie yelled “SHLIDDDE!” 100 times, seeing a bear for Hutch’s and Winnie’s first time, talking about the flowers and the trees, biking, writing in our journals at the end of the day (Hutch and me that is), and just falling asleep together.

There were no big hikes or destinations.

Okay, maybe some big hikes…

In it’s essence, this trip was exactly how Bathroom Lady described- an enjoyment of the journey.

It really did go by so fast.

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GRWM

Winter has arrived!

We had a frosty Halloween, Berenstain Bears so bundled, we should’ve been hibernating.

Christmas clocking in at an awkward 54 degrees.. my winter boots and wool socks sitting idly by as I slip on… Fastenal tennies?

And now, in the middle of January, I wake to -5 degrees and a half foot of snow in all directions. I wonder about the woodstove and the goats. For some reason, I wonder less about the chickens. I have a healthy assumption of their sturdiness.

After the usual egg breakfast, my wool socks sit idly by no longer. My Darn Toughs are in healthy rotation as I tuck them under by Berne bibs and into my LaCrosse boots.

Yes, I have finally found the right combination of clothes to keep me warm in every temperature. Cheap sweatpants under Berne bibs and any old sweatshirt will do as long as it’s under my Duluth Trading shoreline fleece jacket. A thick hat, girthy neck gaiter, and insulated deerskin mittens are also essential.

While some people advertise their skin care routine with a level of enthusiasm that surprises me, I can now relate as I write out the details of donning my perfected winter wear. I finally feel like I have a routine worth advertising!

I notice the joy that grows in me as I slip my feet into those Darn Toughs. Perhaps this joy is something akin to rubbing tingly serums on your under eye.

(In an attempt to report the use of serums correctly, I do admit to googling “skin care routine” and going into a mini deep dive. What a world!)

Within my Google research, I was surprised to find that there are commonly 5-10 steps to this phenomenon. This only validated me in my desire to share the value of a thoroughly tested routine.

I will now move forward with discussing winter wear in a 7 step format, something that might be reminiscent of your favorite skin care regimen. GRWM.

Step 1: Cleanse

For me, this means a stern cup of coffee with plenty of additions. Personally, I use the Homestead Honey Farm brand, a well-crafted and local purchase in addition to Organic Valley half and half. Multiple sources discuss the importance of cleansing morning and night. I couldn’t agree more. If my Norwegian roots have proved anything, it is the value of stiff coffee at all hours, a true cleanser of the soul, mind, and body.

Step 2: Toners

I actually had no idea what this was until I took to reading about it today. After reading a few articles, I am still highly unsure. The purpose seems variable, almost subjective, but the most relatable application may be to “rebalance”. As that morning cup of joe oozes into my neurons, I certainly begin to feel rebalanced from the inside out. While my innards are warm and ready, my outtards are still bra-less and in dissaray. After some tooth brushing, tying my hair back, and contact lens application, I consider a bra to rebalance the girls. With a little stability, I am ready for the day.

Step 3: Exfoliation/Masks

I learn that masks and exfoliators come in many forms. Lord knows I have tried every mask under the sun! From the balaclava to the fleece neck gaiter to the weird form-fitting neoprene option, there are masks for every face. After much trial, I landed on the only one that I haven’t lost- a thick 1/3 wool and 2/3 acrylic gaiter gifted to me from my mom in 2010. So, for the mask options, I have stuck to this slightly itchy old timer, mostly because it ran out of opponents.

Step 4: Serums

It appears that serums are used as underlayers of sorts. This applies perfectly as I don my $9 sweatpants and whatever sweatshirt I see first. While some influencers may tell you to buy the top shelf serum, I commonly scavenge my underlayers from the bottom drawer or the dirty laundry pile.

Step 5: Moisturizer

Now, this is where inescapable joy infiltrates my entire system. This is when I want to scream my seven step routine from the top of my lungs, perhaps on an Instagram story, or more commonly, within the confines of my burgundy colored garage.

As I slip my toes into the silky soft Darn Tough socks pulled fresh from the dryer, I smile a simple smile. What a luxury! No peptides or retinol needed, just natural wool to keep my skin feeling soft and warm. Now, remember, as you age, you will need more expensive moisurizers… I mean socks, to keep your skin feeling vitalized! Darn Toughs are worth every penny! The secret to true radiance!

Step 6: Eye Care

I am reading a lot of hoopla related to the eye. Apparently, there can be a lot afflictions such as crow’s feet, dark circles, and even puffiness. In my humble opinion, the fresh air and sunshine we are about to engage in will most certainly affect your ailments. You can expect to be squinting or laughing, actions sure to cement those gorgeous wrinkles! However, a good thick hat will be the ticket to preventing runny eyes which often lead to frozen lashes- a look you may or may not be going for. I don’t have a particular recommendation in brand of hat. There are many looks and styles. Just make sure that the hat covers your ears and not your eyes. Whether you suffer from fine lines or dark circles, it really doesn’t matter, as long as those beauties can show you the magical wonderland you are about to embark on.

Step 7: Makeup

We are now on our final step of this routine! This is the where we bring our uniqueness to life. For me, I was always told “Carhartts, Carhartts, Carhartts!” but just last year, I discovered the Bernes. With a women’s size perfectly tailored to my short stature, I am sold. I am here to tell you, pick the makeup that accentuates your attributes! For me, this meant doing away with the child-sized Carhartts and buying into the slightly less known Berne women’s insulated bibs. Finally, a short sized option for a person with hips.

Like red lipstick before going out on the town, I paint on my red Duluth Trading fleece coat adorned with leftover hay from my last visit to the goat’s clubhouse. I quite literally brush my shoulders off.

On go my LaCrosse boots with the thick heel. They are hot hot hot in whatever definition you choose to use.

Lastly, the essential insulated deerskin mittens- finishing off my signature look, making me feel invincible and ready to handle some wood.

Now, after completing my GRWM tutorial, I find myself perfuming my body with the scent of burnt firewood. This is a bonus to my morning routine. I smile as my eyes squint in the smoke of the woodstove- sure to secure those hard earned fine lines. I admire the glimmering snow, a sight so welcome after our 50 degree Christmas.

I remove my gloves as I get to the goats, eager to pet down into their winter coat, assuring myself that they too are staying warm in these negative temps.

I talk to the 22 chickens as they strut around like queens, always unbothered and always delivering- still well over a dozen eggs a day.

I march through the snow to see the creek- freezing now- a delightful sight.

I stay outside longer to hike up the state land just to stand among the pines. I feel both significant and insignificant here, one with the winter world, warm and happy.

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2024 Resolutions: Harmonicas & Misdemeanors

I am approaching my 35th birthday and Year 2024 which is the year I learn to play harmonica. For the greater part of a decade, learning the harmonica has been my New Years resolution. It has yet to be resolved, not even close.

The New Year is my favorite holiday. I love that finally and collectively, we slow down and think about the passing of time, what it means, and how we use it. I tend to consider the passing of time more often than your average jane. It slaps me in the face every week from 6:30 on Friday morning to 7pm on Sunday evening as I watch my patients and their families grapple with the loss of it or the new found appreciation of it. Then, on Monday, I come home to find my kids have gotten taller. Time is a thief they say.

To implement another common saying, I would simply describe time as the devil we know. It is better to familiarize yourself with it, hold hands with it, and understand it’s intricacies rather than shun it, run from it, or ignore it. Time can be brutal and precious and so intensely beautiful or sad or both. It will be here whether you want it to or not. We might as well love it.

“We might as well love it.” I like that sentence. It feels like a sentence that would fix a lot of little problems- cleaning the house, bad weather, irony, a bad haircut, naughty goats, or loose pigs.

I thought I would save the loose pigs story for another time, but here we are. It occurred on October 17th. I was at work for a mandatory class that I felt like I’ve taken 25 times before.

Unbeknownst to me, Michael was dealing with something much more challenging- the pigs were out.

We had the pigs in a temporary electric fence as we were utilizing their snouts for garden cleanup with the idea that their hinders would also be useful for fertilization.

Turns out, their snouts are not only useful for tillage and weed control, but they also make quick work of grounding out a fence. The old adage is true- pigs are smart.

The pigs are so smart that they much prefer me over Michael. This proved a bummer for us when they got out on Michael’s watch, and he was unable to coerce them home. Instead, Rosie and her 4 daughters- Pearl, Esther, Ruby, and Sweets darted. Poor Michael was juggling five loose pigs and two loose kids and none were cooperating. Michael rarely makes things look difficult, but this must have been a sight to see.

We live off a gravel road with farm fields to three sides of us and dense woods to the other. A decent sized creek separates our woods from a large state forest. Our pigs are of the mangalitsa breed- a robust, wooly breed that would certainly thrive through the coming winter with or without us. This piece frightened me- did we just lose our pigs to public land? Will they turn feral and cause some problems? I’ve traveled to a handful of places where feral hogs are a real land and water disturbance.

After a frantic Google, I was not reassured. In typical Google fashion, I was greeted by tales of turmoil including articles about “super pigs” that are making their way to Minnesota from Canada and bringing all sorts of destruction with them. I also found a Minnesota statute that prohibits one to “allow feral swine to run at large”; it appears to be a misdemeanor.

I drove myself home from work at an illegal rate. By the time I arrived home, Michael and my dad had scoured our property three times over by foot and wheels and soon by drone thanks to my cousin Zach. The drone told us that the pigs were not in the fields, but the big forest to the east remained a mystery.

The pigs have now been missing for five hours. Michael has given up, and I still think I’m going to get life in prison for swine at large. I tell Michael about my misdemeanor concerns and overall worry about the pigs’ potential impact on private and public spaces. Michael’s immediate reply was, “I could use a misdeamenor,” and proceeded to call the DNR to ‘fess up and get some info on what we should do if our pigs can’t be found. What a guy.

I called neighbors to let them know about our swine at large. Whomever I called only asked how they could help and shared their own stories of lost livestock. I guess the consensus was- “Welcome to farming!”

Michael and I lunched, put the kids down to nap, and when we nearly threw in the towel on our search, I told Michael, “I’m going to take one more walk by the river.”

Rosie, our mama pig, is my girl. I love her very much. As I downtroddenly sauntered along our side of the creek, I shook a little container of corn and in my sweetest voice, yelled “Rosie! Rosieee!” My hope was minimal.

I answered a phone call from my cousin but hung up on her immediately when I heard a distant grunt. It was my grunting Rosie coming toward me on the other side of the creek! Her four little ladies were strutting behind her. I was so relieved.

There is one single bridge that crosses the creek. Did Rosie and her piglets swim across or had they walked the half mile there and half mile back?

I tried to lure Rosie across the creek. She dipped her front feet in the water and immediately backed away. I would need to go get her.

Michael called my mom to watch the kids. I called my aunt Arlette to see if she would come with me to get the pigs. Rosie loves Arlette, and I needed all the influence I could get. Michael and my dad stood by at a distance with their weaponry. I guess you could say that the shotguns were Plan B.

I’m not sure Arlette knew what she was getting into when she showed up in Crocs. We would be traversing little peaks and valleys, inevitably emerging full of cockle burrs, getting muddy, and possibly choosing a water passage. The Crocs did not slow her down.

The next couple of hours were a blur. Arlette and I were in the zone, strategizing paths and constantly coaxing forward while preventing any off shoots. Esther insisted on lying down and taking many breaks while the other pigs stopped to root around when they found something of interest.

For the first half of the journey, we debated if we would try a stream crossing. We opted for the bridge route instead. I got nervous about cars that might pass onto the state land; this could spook the pigs into immediate dispersal. Michael and my dad stood by the road while trying to be out of site of Rosie who would be immediately suspicious of Michael.. and apparently for good reason.

On second thought, this whole scene looked very suspicious- Arlette and I covered in cockle burrs and mud, five pigs trailing us at varying distances, and two guys with guns and a truck and trailer 50 yards behind. At some point, my mom and the kids were also a part of the march.

We passed Arlette’s house on the way to our house. At this point, we thought we would lure the pigs into her garage. I grabbed her decorative pumpkin from the front porch and said, “Arlette, Rosie would love this!” at which point Arlette chucked the pumpkin onto her cement driveway to bust it up for pig bait. This memory lives rent free in my head as I laugh to think about the sacrifice of fall decor for this seemingly necessary intervention.

The pigs did not buy into the garage idea, and instead, we got them all the way back to our barn. The pigs were wiped and so were we.

On the next day, I replaced Arlette’s pumpkin and Michael made an appointment with the butcher. I will not be serving life in prison after all, and Michael never did get his misdemeanor. There’s always next year.

Happy New Year!

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Michael Adoration Fest

As we proceeded with our normal summer day of doing animal chores, checking on the garden, and hanging out with the kids in turns or altogether, I found myself to be happy in a very simple way. I took notice of how easy it is to have fun with Michael and the kids.

I watched Michael act like a monster with an effortlessly twisted face and hunched over prance as he chased Winnie around the table. He is always like this- making everyone laugh in a way that’s a little unpredictable.

I always admire Michael for his ease in living. He never takes himself seriously while simultaneously living with intention. It’s really cool and oddly rare.

I considered what the world would be like if we all lived like this- true to our inner child for a whole lifetime, unencumbered by societal expectations or loads of stress.

It is a well-known sentiment that having kids brings out reminders of simple joys and child-like wonder. While I do think this helps, I yearn for a culture that celebrates these as skills in all stages of life- simplified joy and wonder in schooling, jobs, adult relationships, friendships, neighboring, etc.

I want us all to see and love the inner child of everyone everywhere, including ourselves. We all have child-like wonders alive inside of us. Dare I say- they are the best parts of who we are.

I like to think about meeting Michael. It makes me smile to think about a time right after college where societal expectations were knocking hard at my rickety apartment door inside an old brick building in a city where my feet rarely touched dirt. Distractions were abundant there on Girard Avenue in Uptown Minneapolis.

Four years of college had been a grind. Playing soccer, pursuing my nursing degree, dating or something like it, and working random part time jobs left little time for clarity. Also, I was 22 years old- my brain was not fully formed and routinely intoxicated.

Then, one night, I met Michael. He came into my life with a lot of bells and whistles- immediate magic tricks dubbing him “the magic man” by a few of my friends.

There was 2am piano playing complete with serenades, donning of fur coats and painted nails (by him, not me), skateboard tricks, rock climbing, and a roommate named Jimmy who often matched Michael in fur coats, manicures, and ridiculous humor.

I loved Michael immediately- not in that very romantic way, but in the way that the child in me saw the child in him and vice versa. We became ourselves together without expectations or judgements.

I certainly didn’t think I would marry my goofy neighbor in the fur coat with weird magic tricks but I loved everything that he was. I was happy to be around him no matter the timeline.

When I met Michael, I was casually dating another guy (who I’ll call Ryan because I truly can’t remember his name). Michael would come to my apartment uninvited while Ryan was visiting and insert himself into our hangout.

Michael would simply outlast Ryan’s waking hours (who was 34 years old then so we’ll give him a pass; I am asleep by 9pm now too). Ryan fell asleep on my couch while Michael and I hung out longer, telling stories and laughing like kids.

I pegged Michael as the friend who was unaware of social boundaries and etiquette, the type of guy we roll our eyes at but love anyway. Michael informed me later that this was all “part of the plan” to help dissolve my casual dating experience. Turns out, Michael was onto the idea of us being us all along.

I’m grateful that I didn’t meet Michael before the age of 22. He was always my soulmate, and I don’t know how the teenage versions of us would have handled that.

This writing got diverted when my mind wanted to sit with early memories of Michael. I landed there when I considered how Michael has always been exactly himself- very curious, happy, aware, adventurous and unfiltered. I can imagine he was the same at age 6 and 13, and now at 35. I’ve loved his consistencies. I’ve loved his surprises.

I didn’t mean to turn this blog into a Michael Adoration Fest. His ego does not need that :).

I am ready to get back on track to the point of this meandering blog which is: seeing and accepting the inner child of another human being has been one of my most favorite and rewarding practices of love. With Michael, it has been easy. My inner child loved his inner child on impact.

We all have this inner child, someone that comes from a really good place. The day before our dear friend John died, we visited him with both of our kids in tow. John was becoming more nonsensical at this point but amidst his talk about astrology and math, he said to Michael, “I am closer to Hutch now than I am to you. I am closer to where Hutch is.” In talking about this later, we think that John knew he was close to that good place, that place where we all come from.

There is a quote I love by Ram Dass that says, “We’re all just walking each other home.” I have repeated this quote to myself in tense or sad situations at work. This mantra helps me remember that my job as a nurse is to support someone in the way that I or my family might also need someday.

It is really quite simple- when all the nonsense is stripped away, we are all the same, doing this life together. While it is an honor to be the one walking the other, I’m aware that I won’t always be on that end of things.

To see and accept each human’s inner child is just a fun way of coexisting. I feel it with Michael every day. It is easy with friends, and when I go to work, it is a bit of a fun challenge to find that piece of each person I meet.

While some people have worked hard to cover the goofy and simple version of themselves, others flow freely with their lovable quirks.

Either way, if my inner child is alive in me, I think the people around me feel safe to let theirs breathe too. Soon, with a little vulnerability and acceptance, we can just be a couple of kids wearing fur coats and doing magic tricks. The world is a lot lighter in a room like that.

 

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Princess Blight

Gardening is weird. From what I’ve learned, there are 101 ways to do it. In some years, you might be the Queen of Tomatoes. In other years, you might be Princess Blight.
Overwatering and underwatering exhibit the same symptoms which is highly frustrating for a nurse who wants a clear and concise treatment protocol. And then there is bolting. How dare you bolt and flower and then go sour before we consume all your power (my ode to my beloved but rebellious arugula).
If we are looking for high points in and around my summer garden, you will mostly find them in the around region. My garden was planted in a former hay field abutting the forest. As I labored with love on the weeds on the in region, I took the occasional stroll around the edge to walk it off- the sore hands, the frustration, the crying Winnie in a stroller.
On my stroll, I found forest food after forest foot that had nothing to do with my strategically executed labors.
Earlier on, it was black raspberries. Shortly after, it was gooseberries. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, plums started dropping from the sky. Wild grapes followed. A rogue squash plant grew out of nowhere. You can see how this became both discouraging and enlightening.
After my nice stroll along the fruitful forest edge, I reluctantly returned to my struggling cabbage patch. I continued to pluck weeds that largely consisted of purslane and lambs quarter, two incredibly nutritious and delicious greens. It soon felt silly to throw these aside so I chose one of three options- eat them, pile them up for the pigs, or talk about them with Hutch so at least he won’t be silly enough to dispose of nature’s bounty.
The fourth option took hold around late July- retire from weeding entirely. My new motto became “what takes, takes; screw the rest,” or something like that.
My anti-weeding inspo came from our pig garden that I mentioned in the last blog post. Our pigs perfectly sprinkled their manure and food scrap remnants in last year’s pen which they had diligently tilled up to the point of no weed growth (except some of that lambs quarter).
It was a large space filled with volunteer squashes, pumpkins, gourds, and tomatoes. They were tended to by no one and grew better than anything in my labor of loathing.. I mean love.
I have to admit that some things turned out great. Those some things were okra (which I have never consumed before in my life), tomatillos (which I have never cooked with before in my life), and watermelon (which really made my summer, honestly; Winnie’s too).
Today is September 13th and I want to believe that my tomatoes are still coming. In the meantime, I’ll keep picking the red volunteers over in the pig garden. I do have to walk through burning nettle to get those, but it’s worth it.
Last winter, I read an entire encyclopedia on gardening. It was an awesome book, and as I always do, I took meticulous notes. The book was titled “Fresh from the Garden” by John Whitman. I wonder if John Whitman would read this blog and use my testimonies to promote his very informative teachings :/. John, I’ll do better next year! I promise, your book was really good.
Apparently, studying is only part of gardening. I think I just need practice, a better watering system (which is in the works thanks to Sam and Patty), less distractions, more persistence, and if possible- more predictable weather patterns. Oh, I should also do less. Instead of planting everything, I’ll skip the okra. 
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Worst Jobs Ever

I’m learning that farming or homesteading or whatever we’re doing over here in our blissful little bluff-covered corner, is often a series of “worst jobs ever”. After Michael and I relocated the pigs and newly birthed piglets, I thought, “Glad that’s done; that sucked,” after chasing down runaway piglets. It was déjà vu as I remembered saying the same thing to my sweaty self after cleaning a winter’s worth of poop and pee-laden bedding out of the goat pen. As I inhaled ammonia, broke a pitchfork, and sweat through my shirt, I thought, “This must be the worst job ever.”

Since the pig pen relocation, I have also given the goats their CDT vaccines in their neck fat, of which there is hardly any, and held piglets upside down as the vet castrated them. Michael cleaned up dead chicken parts in the aftermath of a predator invasion. In addition to all that fun, I spend nights worrying if we’re feeding the animals enough or maybe too much or probably the entirely wrong ratio of feed and pasture. Hobby farming… what joy!

While other people scroll through funny TikToks at bedtime, I’m reading forums about the best loose mineral for goats or studying what to do when kids (goat babies) are being birthed in a bad position. The answer is that you get your hands in there and fix it. As I write this on July 10th, our arguably favorite goat, Pickles, is due to have her kid(s) tomorrow. For a generally calm person, I’m quite nervous.

Since I didn’t intend for this blog post to be about my sweet preggo goats, I’ll move on from the idea that I may have to stick my hands in their vagina very soon. Instead, let’s talk about pigs.

One year ago and a couple extra months, we bought three Mangalitsa pigs. It started with an old coworker of mine posting about her cute little piglets for sale. Since we had lived on water for the previous 7 years of our lives, you could say that Michael and I were eager to put this newly acquired green space to practical use.

Pigs? Why not! Two males? Sure! Potential for pasture-raised pork from the only remaining wooly breed to exist, yes please!

With two males (Finn and Sawyer) in the works, I perused Craigslist for an unrelated female. As always, Craigslist delivered and Rosie was acquired.

I have a major soft spot for Rosie and not just because she has the same colored hair as one of my favorite human beings- Arran Davis. Rosie is both gentle and fierce, also a bit like Arran.

To make what could be a lengthy series of stories short- Sawyer died and Rosie nearly died once- thank goodness for Arlette and my mom who nursed her back to health while we were out of town.

Finn, who was initially much smaller than Rosie, attempted to breed her for 6 months straight before his size allowed for success, and on May 4th of 2023, our hog herd went from two to eleven!

Michael and I tend to jump into things eagerly with minimal preparedness. In other words, what we lack in experience or expertise, we make up for in spirit. While Michael will binge handfuls of Youtube videos for some quick knowledge, I have subscribed to upwards of a dozen homesteading/pig/goat/gardening podcasts that keep me company to and from work.

While Michael had not interacted much with oinkers before, I do have some familial background with piggies. I remember playing with Grandpa Johnson’s piglets in the hog barn here. That same barn exists today and got a new updo last summer when Michael rebuilt the fallen roof.

Unfortunately, Grandpa J did not include us in the pig chores as much as we were included in evenings of milking his Brown Swiss cows. I now understand why as I have seen our pigs bite through a pumpkin in one chomp and would not want the same kind of chomp delivered to a child’s arm or leg. We also keep our kids out of the pig pen. Retrieving a severed appendage would actually be the worst job ever.

Sometime in early spring, with no background as to when consummation occurred, we decided that Rosie was definitely pregnant. As rural folk say so eloquently, she was “bagging up”. We had the hunch we should separate Rosie and Finn prior to the birth but had zero clue as to when the birth should occur.

On May 1st, after a weekend of Rosie showing increased aggression towards Finn (not so casually ramming him into the side of their shelter) and being incredibly “bagged up”, we separated mama and papa.

On the morning of May 4th, I went out to do the chores and came across a site that nearly brought me to tears. Mama Rosie had just finished birthing her 9th piglet. She was still laying down and panting, but she appeared calm and comfortable. The last two piglets were trying to maneuver their way to any available teat. They were tiny, squeaky and incredibly adorable.

I watched the scene from afar as I had made the goal to steer clear of the natural birthing process. Mangalitsa pigs are known for being able to handle their births independently. We did not use a farrowing crate. Instead, we provided plenty of hay for Rosie to make her own nesting area. We didn’t touch the piglets for a full week. When we did, we picked them up only out of necessity and to get one good picture.

Rosie did great. She was a first time mom, and she bonded quickly and equally with all of her babies. I loved watching this and easily related to her as she grunted at them to go back in their shelter at night and as she layed down to feed them whenever they squealed at her feet.

One of the sweetest things to see was when the piglets were done nursing, they would go up to Rosie’s face and rub their noses on hers as if to say “thank you mama”.

Our first farrowing experience was a success. Rosie had nine piglets and still has nine. We got four males and five females and a nice mix of ones that look like Finn and others even redder than Rosie.

We did have one injured piglet, cause unknown. It was one of our largest males who showed back leg weakness that was worse in the evenings. He also demonstrated balance issues. It looked like an incomplete spinal cord injury. He ate and drank well; time was all he needed. After a month, he appeared fully healed.

The next looming “worst job ever” was castration. Should we or shouldn’t we? If we did, should we do it ourselves, include a vet, or recruit someone wiser than us? My mom and aunt were able to recount what Grandpa J and Uncle Ray did. Michael’s dad had another rendition. It seemed that the holding of the pig was the biggest variable with the rest of it being consistently dreadful- cut a hole, grab the testicle, yank, repeat. The holding part varied from draping over a fence, cradling on the farmer’s lap, or positioned in a five gallon pail.

As a nurse who’s grossed out by nothing, I knew I could handle the gory details of the job. But, as a nurse who appreciates evidence-based practice and proper training, I called the veterinarian.

The animal doctors were great. Shout out to Karen and Aliyyah. We were happy to have them here. We were hoping to establish ourselves as patients should we need an emergency visit during off hours or prescribed medications. As of June 11, there was also a change by the FDA that all animal antibiotics will need to be prescribed rather than available over the counter. I’m sure this is controversial in some spheres as it creates another step for farmers who are already doing so much, but it makes sense to me. Overuse and misuse of antibiotics have been prevalent in the human medical field as well and this has led to antibiotic resistance and hard or impossible to treat bacterial illness. I’m sure the same problem is happening in veterinary medicine.

Back to the testicle tugging. It was almost as displeasing as the stories told. Michael and I did the holding while the docs did the cutting. We held them upside down, sanitized their region, and used a razor to cut a slit. The testicle was found and pulled.

If you came to this blog for tips and tricks on castration, look no further (or if you’re wise, you might want to). We learned not castrate on a very hot day. The additional stress could be detrimental.

It is definitely a two or three person job. One person holds the pig upside down by the legs. Another person can hold the head and front legs more comfortably. The lucky third person cuts and pulls. If you have a friend who agrees to help you with this event, keep them forever; that person is a treasure because once again, it is a “worst job ever” kind of thing.

Another tidbit, castrate early. It’s easier, and they heal faster. With hot spells and scheduling conflicts delaying our appointment, we did not castrate until the piglets were 7 weeks old. Within 8 weeks is okay, within two weeks is best.

Lastly, it wasn’t quite as intense as I had expected. The piglets were immediately moving around like normal, and they healed quickly. The long-lasting benefit is that they can now live together in harmony for the remainder of their lives.

I finally understand the cliché of eating like pigs. Pigs really do eat. We feed ours grass clippings, weeds, garden waste, food scraps, and finally- dealer’s choice of a corn, oats, and sunflower seeds. This year, thanks to my dad’s help, we planted a field of oats that we plan to turn to hay for winter feed.

While pigs are generally raised for pork, we have found a few bonus benefits. After throwing them scraps of squash, pumpkins, and gourds last fall, we now have a magnificent surprise garden of the aforementioned produce.

I’m not sure if the seeds made a trip through the pig and out their rear ends or if they settled in directly from the produce, but they have certainly established themselves! I’m sure the soil was very fertile from all the excrement.

I would like to utilize the pigs as tillers this fall by putting them in the space that we use for a garden next spring. Not only would this enrich the soil with some good old manure fertilizer, but pigs are experts at rooting up all the weeds. We have seen how quickly they can create a blank space of rich soil.

Another unexpected benefit of our pigs was predator prevention. Before moving the pigs early this summer, we had them next to the goats and chickens. The chickens free-ranged without consequence; the goats too.

This summer, after moving the pigs to their own area, we went from 15 chickens to just three.

I can’t help but believe our big wooly grunting beasts were a reliable deterrent to the raccoons and minks of our world. In their absence, our live trap has been busy. Deciding what to do with a returning predator… another worst job ever.

I’m being dramatic with the “worst job ever” complaints. The worst jobs ever are always done in balance with all the beautiful/wonderful/pinch me parts. It’s a little like everything else- eating a salad with a brownie for dessert or giving birth to then holding the little person of your dreams.

My job as a nurse knows this well- some days really break your heart and others are all the more life-giving because of those worst days. When it’s all thrown into the big bucket of life, it might be filled with a lot of shit, but it’s going to be growing the best damn surprise squash garden you never expected.

* pictures (in order from top to bottom) 1, 2, 17, 23, 24, 29, 35, 38, and the cover photo were taken by Brooke Rihn Photography, you can find her on IG or Facebook by the same name 🙂

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The Little Things

I say this all the time as I work with my rehab patients coming back from a stroke or a traumatic brain injury or a spinal cord injury, “The little things are the big things.” I say this to the woman that wiggled her fingers again, the man that said “hello” for the first time in a month, and of course to the constipated patient that finally pooped. “This is big. Way to go!” And when the patient starts to minimize their accomplishment, I drop my line, “The little things are the big things. You’re doing great!”

I think that sometimes, especially with the powers and curses of social media, we are under the impression that big things just happen. We see a simplified image, the face of a greater story. You may see a picture of a smiling mom and her sweet baby. It may invoke a feeling of ease and joy but it’s missing a pile of details. 
I want to remember that pile of details. I want to remember the mess underneath.
This is why I write- to remember it all and make sense of what I can. I want to remember feeling the start of contractions on Father’s Day morning, the sun shining through the windows matching my excitement. I want to remember my sister joining us with coffee in hand and Winnie’s relentless and loud cry when she joined the world.
I remember that grunting noise she made when she breathed five days later and how it brought us to the ER in the middle of the night. I remember Taylor, the nurse that reassured me and made me feel safe when I was scared to death. I went through orientation with Taylor three years earlier when we both started at that hospital. She was my orientation bestie, and I knew she’d be amazing; her tenacity inspired me then.
In this messy pile there were sleepless nights, postpartum anxiety, postpartum hemorrhage, and one scary panic attack. There was beauty even there- Michael hugging me as we sat outside at 2am until the panic passed, reassuring me repeatedly as the cycle of fear consumed me.
Some day, I might look at that picture of a smiling me and my happy baby and think it was all easy and beautiful. My memory might drop the mess- the bleeding, the panic, and all the pokes, lines, and oxygen the hospital brought to my newborn baby.
As blissful as selective amnesia sounds, I want to hold it all. I want to see that picture and be proud of us for smiling among the mess.
For the record, our little pile is a lot smaller than many piles. I know this well. I work on a unit that cares for people with a lot of undeserved baggage. In a surprising turn of events, this job has made me more of an optimist and not because everything has a happy ending, but because people live, really live, amidst their piles. More often than not, people find joy in the middle of their mess. They smile in it, grow in it, or celebrate their power within it. It’s quite beautiful.
I’ve begun to really appreciate the strong souls who haul their baggage around shamelessly- the storytellers, the helpers, and the friends. These are the people who live with resilience, joy and wisdom. They do not crumble under the weight of their mess. Instead, they get stronger. The pile gets easier to carry. They maintain their stories so they can learn, understand, and empathesize. They are better because of their big beautiful mess. They are our greatest teachers.
The little things are the big things. This is a sentence that carries Michael and me in many parts of our little life together. The little things are the big things in parenting, health, stewardship, friendship, happiness, and marriage.
In celebration of “the little things”, I thought it would be fun to pick three pictures that I have on Instagram and share the beautiful messy pile behind the snapshot. I encourage you to try it too.
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Picture #1
I almost chose a picture of our completed boathouse shining in the light of a perfect sunset, but this picture tells more of the story. You can almost see the humidity in the air. It was thick and the cloudless sun beat on our backs all day until now. Now, the sun is setting behind the island and we are breathing easier as the shade covers us. The cooler is empty. My dad is a man of few words which means we don’t sit around and talk very much, but we do here. Dad is happiest when he’s working and even happier when he’s helping someone else with their work.
He’s outside too and on the river, a place we both feel most ourselves. Conversation flows easy like this, in jokes and witty comebacks. To be honest, this picture represents my relationship with my father more than any other picture I can think of. As always, it is Dad doing everything he can for my future. He makes it look easy even when it’s not.
It is us outside in our element. It is me asking questions and him giving me responses like “I ‘spose” and “sure”. It is us side by side, always understanding each other. It is loving the little things, something I learned from him.
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Picture #2
Most of these flowers come from my Grandma and Papa Larson’s farm, the place that Michael and I got married. It is where my parents got married and my sister and brother-in-law too. The flowers in the top left are the ones that my sister-in-law lovingly weaved into my hair on the morning of our wedding.
The red flower in the middle looks like a cardinal flower which brings me straight to the island, puffs of red sprinkled between the cottonwoods giving life to the boathousers and hummingbirds alike.

Purple sage on the top right always reminding me of the sacred. Sage is a plant used by my Native American patients to promote healing. The burning of sage in a hospital room, a very important convergence of modern medicine and spiritual tradition.
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Picture #3
There is so much feeling to this picture. My nephew and I are driving Neighbor Girl, Michael and my first home together (floating and otherwise). Driving Neighbor Girl reminds me of many firsts. I remember our first time out on this boat. Neither Michael nor I had ever driven a boat with twin engines before. Long story short- we scraped a neighboring boat almost immediately. We lived on this boat for four years after. We never bonked another boat again.
We had neighbors that were just like us- green. We had others that were salty old freshwater sailors.
I think back to us and the other fresh young liveaboards and there is a lot that makes me laugh. I think of Josie climbing up her mast and perching atop as Adam drives under a bridge; this big experiment was to see if the sailboat’s tall mast could make it under the bridge.
Spoiler alert- we did make it and Josie did survive. The survival piece would have been in jeopardy with a couple more inches. I think about running that same sailboat aground as we practiced sailing on a river with unannounced wingdams galore.
Another new liveaboard couple tied their boat off to a rope as they went through their first lock and dam. As the water dropped and pulled their boat sideways, they found a kitchen knife to free themselves from impending doom.
Neighbor Sam did a lot of weird moves. Some of his activities included swimming across the main channel for recreation midday on a Saturday. I remember waving at a boat cruising by as warning that, “Hey, my friend Sam is out there. I know he’s about as visible as a small fish but please don’t hit him.”
Of course, because we were all a bit underfinanced/ resourceful/ independent (amongst other adjectives like dumb and silly and also happy), we did our own boat repairs, especially Sam.
Sam’s passion projects and disimpassioned projects ranged from welding the whole keel to attempting to rebuild the 1946 engine to replacing the whole top deck. It was a boat that kept him tinkering. I guess that’s what you get when you buy a boat with a Bowie knife, grape flavored lubricant, and a love note all cached in the same spot of the ceiling. Oh yeah, he tore the ceiling apart too.
The flood season was always a memorable time with the floodiest year meaning we had to kayak to the nearest working toilet. Date night was driving downstream passed Saint Paul’s city lights and throwing an anchor while hoping no barge would wake us so hard that our bowl of fruit would hit the floor.
God, I love that sturdy little houseboat that rocked us to bed for four years and sometimes housed gatherings far too big for it’s little britches.
All of these memories flood me from just a little picture.
This picture was also taken during a really hard time. My nephew Olle was hospitalized at Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis. He had emergency surgery for an unexpected diaphragmatic hernia.
Hank spent nights on our boat while my sister and brother-in-law stayed at the hospital.
On this day, it was a special day during a hard time- it was my brother-in-law Sean’s birthday. We wanted to still make it special so my parents, Hank, and I boated through the one lock that separated us from Minneapolis. Sean and Jess met us there, and we surprised Sean with cake, balloons, and a little river time.
This picture reminds me of special time with family while fear and uncertainty lingered around us. It also reminds me of joy amidst heartache, living life fully in it’s valleys as well as at it’s peaks, and just being there for each other.
So, when my patient says the word “shit” clear as day for the first time since his stroke, I smile. It’s the little things. 
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Sweating In Togetherness

This is our first winter living on land since 2014. Whoa.

In 2014, we took the winter off and spent it in all the countries with sunshine- Peru, El Salvador, New Zealand, Malaysia and Thailand to name a few.

In 2015, we moved onto Neighbor Girl, our houseboat in Saint Paul, MN. With little cash left in our pockets, we thought we’d save some money and stay in Watergate Marina for a simple summer. It turned into four years.

In 2019, we fixed up an old boathouse in Winona, MN and moved in just days before Hutch was born. We lived there for just over two years when our dreams of a hobby farm called us home.

Last March, we bought my grandparents’ house and part of their farm. The timing was right as we welcomed our second child, Winnie, into our world in June.

For those of you who already know our timeline, sorry for the repetition but I needed a refresher myself. 2014 seems like a generation ago.

Our seven winters living on the water included included inconvenient novelties like ice cracks that sounded like thunder in the night and frozen pipes that forced a era of glamour during which we urinated in a pickle jar for a bizarre amount of time.

We shrink-wrapped our houseboat each winter which made me feel like a cave woman as I huddled close to our heater on the coldest nights. We helped houseboat neighbors chop up ice that threatened their fiberglass hulls and helped boathouse neighbors who needed the occasional propane tank refill or annual winter wood haul. We always watched the weather with a close eye knowing it would make the difference in how we lived our days.

When we first moved into this house in the spring, Michael and I felt a bit of imposter syndrome, like we didn’t belong in a place that had a laundry machine. We didn’t have to ration water out of necessity and heating our home required no physical labor outside of pushing a button. Suddenly, after 8ish years, we have to remember to flush.

Of course, as every life ebbs and flows, sometimes slowly and sometimes suddenly, there are new challenges and joys that fill in for the old. Instead of waking to the thunders of ice cracking under our floor, we wake to the train rumbling through the stillness of the valley. We wake to Hutch yelling “Dada, I’m awake!” or “Dada, I have to peeeee!!!” (always “dada” which is great for me:)), and Winnie making herself known every two hours every single night.

Instead of hauling our own water as as part of a daily chore, we visit the pigs, goats, and chickens to feed and water them, planning for their warmth on the coldest nights.

Of course, there are still neighbors to help out and who also return the favors tenfold.

Well, we couldn’t succumb to the luxury of push button heat activation. Before the crisp of fall arrived, Michael hand shoveled a 86 foot long trench in which to install the lines for the new old woodstove we bought from my parents. Sure, Michael could have forked over $200 for the use of a mini-excavator. It would have saved him 10 hours of sweat but then he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to coerce his best pals into an afternoon of digging holes together.

Having a woodstove feels healthy in multiple ways. It requires physical labor, planning, the use of renewable resources in lieu of non-renewables, attention to weather, and a sense of earning our keep. It is reminiscent of daily skills used in boathouse/houseboat living, one of those “same but different” deals.

In our case, having a woodstove is also a bit of a community activity. If we are gone, my dad drives down the road to keep it hot; we do the same for them. Chopping wood is another community practice, an excuse to sweat in togetherness which is apparently how we enjoy ourselves.

Sweating in togetherness. We have not socialized much this winter but when we have, we have done it in a 200 degree environment or submerged in 32 degrees.

When we moved out of the boathouse, we brought nothing sizable with us; but then fall arrived, and with it, a large desire to sweat again. With an unhealthy willingness to risk an injury, Nikki and Lalo, the current keepers of the boathouse, assisted in the sketchy transfer of the sauna from boathouse dock to flat bottom boat to our current garage. The sauna got a little makeover and is now fired up on the daily.

Michael, always known to take things one step further than necessary, decided that our bodies need to not only be sitting in a 200 degree box for 20 minutes, but must then become submerged in ice water until numb. Lucky for me, I declare my peak level of body numbness to occur at 20 seconds. Michael sits in the ice bath for 4 minutes. He calls this his “regimen”- 4 minutes here, 20 minutes there, repeat x2. A friend who visited from Florida just called it “torture”.

There must be some level of practiced meditation that makes you especially good at ice bathing because my friend Katy and cousin Nikki, both yogis, knocked this morning activity out of the park. They were both able to sit in ice for multiple minutes on their first time. I was impressed. I should yoga.

Now that you know a visit to our home includes an obligatory sauna session and ice bath, I will know you really love us if you come anyway. We promise to include hot coffee and fresh farm eggs after the torture. In surprising news, I collected 13 eggs today (from 15 chickens) in the dead of winter, so we’re doing pretty well in that department.

Now, just because we’re living off the water does not mean we get to miss out on the boathouse trials and tribulations that arise at the most unfortunate times. That would be a shame.

On Christmas Eve, with our boathouse keepers out of town, the boathouse was found to be froze up. This was nobody’s fault except for Mother Nature who may have created just the right amount of ice buildup to jam up the in-floor heating system.

The tragic part was twofold. Nikki & Lalo’s beautiful plants that they nurtured and loved for many years experienced instant demise, lots of sentiment and memories living in each one. And secondly, Michael missed out on warm lefse and Hutch’s tears of fear over Santa’s arrival to our family Christmas. The boathouse reheating process took three days time, a lovely multi-day holiday event. Also, shout out to the multiple sweethearts that provided Nikki and Lalo with cuttings and new plants to bring the boathouse back to life.

Now, in a land home, we are learning the ropes. We still suck at getting our mail every day. We do shower quite a bit more which probably benefits everyone we know.

We have our daily ritual of stocking the woodstove twice a day and feeding the animals too. Also, turns out, having a laundry machine is awesome. We were able to cancel our cloth diaper service (which we loved and used ever since Hutch was born, highly recommend Small Change Diaper Service in LaCrescent, MN) since we now have the ability to wash our own diapers whenever needed.

And certainly the largest perk of land living is being able to have guests sleep here with the ability to offer them multiple amenities- a bed, a shower, a little bit of space from the incessant talking of our three year old. This winter brought my high-school pal from England and his partner from Switzerland, friends from Florida, and Michael’s family from the wild west of Minnesota. Sure, nearly all of them were forced into sitting next to us in a 200 degree box, but only the lucky ones got to sit in ice while the winter winds whipped them in the face. So, yes, land living is quite luxurious.

To wrap up our winter stories, I cannot forget to tell you about Carl. Carl was created after our first big snowfall on December 9th.

Carl is our snowman/snowwoman/snowthem (not quite sure, Carl changes his identity quite often, usually depending on the weather). Carl has been restructured multiple times, sometimes by one of us, other times when Lalo visits.

Carl has been both large and small, with and without a nose, donning a scarf in colder weather but losing it again as temperatures rise. So far, we have kept Carl alive in some capacity or another. Carl often keeps a Mega Blok eye on the road. Other times, Carl is looking straight at our window, smirking at us with his Magna Tile smile.

Hutch talks about Carl often, daily in fact. Hutch named Carl without ever meeting a Carl which I found impressive since he typically comes up with names like “Fapwinz” or “Frotz”.

Anyway, as I type this on February 10th, we might actually be seeing the end of Carl. We had an unusual stretch of 40 degree weather that Carl simply had no business staying put for. Carl is a bit symbolic of us- changing with the seasons, rediscovering ourselves, needing a little help from time to time, ebbing and flowing with life around us.

So, Carl, thank you buddy pal; you were fun. Until next year… or next week… or whenever Lalo comes back to play.

 

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